Lady Father’s Blog

GREAT NEWS!!

Guess what I just discovered! “Lady Father,” my memoir is still Lady Fatheravailable on Amazon Kindle for $9.95!! So if you want a copy now, just go to https://www.amazon.com/Lady-Father-Susan-Bowman/dp/1608300560/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1565244222&sr=1-3 . Enjoy!

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WHY YOU SHOULD READ “LADY FATHER”

Have you ever discovered a two-faced truth? That is something that is true but that makes you both happy and sad at the same time. 

Here’s my two-faced truth for today. Lady Father is a compelling book about one woman’s (that would be me) struggle to become an Episcopal priest and to serve God in that capacity in a world where women had just 10 years before been allowed to be ordained, at least in some places. That’s the truth. So here are the two sides to the picture: Here’s the one that makes me happy. It is compelling, well-written, inspiring, humorous, heart-breaking, heart-warming, and – in its day (the 1980’s and 1990’s) timely. Even in 2011 when it was published, it was still a story that grabbed the attention of those who were struggling with workplace discrimination in any situation, not just the church. Here’s the sad part: It is now 33 years since my journey started, and most places in the church today have a goodly number of ordained women, as Deacons, Priests, Pastors, and even Bishops. The struggle to get there now seems to be in the past making Lady Father not so timely.

But here’s the weird thing – having a book about such a struggle not being relevant anymore should really make me happy. But, unfortunately, this story is still pertinent today, especially to women in clergy leadership in most denominations. I am a member in several women clergy groups on Facebook and I am appalled at the stories I read of church lay leaders treating their women clergy like second-class citizens. I read the same things from my sister clergy that I dealt with on my own journey. Most probably, there aren’t as many instances of such abuse as there were 30 years ago, but the fact that it is still happening today makes Lady Father a must-read for women contemplating following God’s call to ordained ministry, women currently serving in church ministry, as well as anyone following a vocation in a traditionally male or female career. That’s right, men suffer such indignities in a traditionally female career – just ask any nurse or hairdresser.

Regardless of how many laws have been passed or how much our collective “awareness” has been raised, the discriminatory practices in our society have not gone away – in fact, in many situations, people of any gender, race, or creed may find themselves victims of discrimination. Human nature, unfortunately, makes us all prone to judge others according to things like skin color, gender, age, religion, opinions, to name a few, that can make life difficult for the different, no matter where we are or who we are. So, Lady Father IS still a timely story of a journey through a discriminatory institution with its many barriers and rejections, the perseverance and courage it took to survive, and the joy and satisfaction that resulted from following God’s call no matter where it led.

After all this reflection, I am more determined than ever to follow my mission to bring Lady Father to readers everywhere. We all need this book, which speaks loudly to all people of what it means to follow your call in life, no matter who tries to stop you. If you want to be uplifted, inspired, amazed, and entertained, read Lady Father. It Took a Huge Leap of Faith.

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What Do I Call You?

I was at church yesterday and I met a really nice woman who, when she found out I am a priest, asked me if I wanted to be called Mother. I cringed inwardly while I laughingly said, “Oh no, please. Just Susan is fine.” She looked a little puzzled so I explained to her why I don’t like the “Mother” title for women.

When it first began to be the “right thing to call a woman priest” I cringed because I had been a camp counselor and Diocesan youth leader where all the kids called me Mama Sue. I had worked very hard to put that life in the past as I was embarking on a whole new one and the two titles were just too close. But as time went on and the title caught on, I really thought about why I didn’t like it and what I discovered is this: The rationale behind it is – if men are called Father, then women should be called Mother. Sounds reasonable right.? Well I thought maybe so but it still just rankled with me so I went deeper. What I finally realized is that this kind of thinking keeps the issue of women’s ordination out there as a gender issue. If men can, then women should be able to also. While I think that’s true about most things – like women should be paid as much as men, women should be treated with the same respect as men, women should be invited to and welcomed at all clergy gatherings – I realized that this name issue is right up there with the term “woman priest.” I am always clear, if I can do it gently and it’s appropriate, that I am not a woman priest – I am a priest. We do not call men a “man priest” so why should we now, some 40 years after the first women were ordained, continue to refer to us as “women priests.” Calling a woman “Mother” perpetuates that kind of thinking for me. So I always suggested that people call me Susan. (As a side note, I grew up in the Episcopal Church of the 50’s and 60’s when the priest was called the “minister” because a priest is Roman Catholic, thank you very much, and we’ll never call our ministers priests. My parents and all the MsRevrendBowman (640x424)adults were very comfortable calling our minister Syd and all us younger ones called him Mister Swann. I did encourage the young kids in my parishes to call me Rev Susan – yes I know that is not a grammatically correct title but it did serve to alleviate the problem with parents who didn’t want their kids calling an adult by their first name. In this picture, I have been to a church in Newport News, Va with a group of girls who told everybody there that I was “Ms. Reverend Bowman.”)

Of course, that brings up the flip side of this issue which I didn’t realize until after my first major parish ministry ended badly and I had the opportunity to reflect about it. What I realized is that it does have its appealing side to what we should be called – it eliminates the awkwardness of the term “Mother Susan,” it makes me seem more human to the people in the pew who sometimes hoist us up on this pedestal we cannot possibly stay on, and it made me more comfortable as it did some parishioners. Upon reflection, though, I wonder how many people were really that comfortable calling a priest by their first name. I called our pension office often in those days, and many times I talked to a nice young man who confessed to me that he couldn’t possibly call be by my first name because I am a priest so he just had to call me Father. This happened to me some and I always said, “Call me what you need to.”

The other thing I realized is that I don’t think calling me by my first name accorded me the amount of respect that a title would have. For the people in the pew, that may be more unconscious but I wonder if it doesn’t work on them at that deeper level where respect comes from. Anyway, I am now retired and not so worried about the respect side of the issue although there are probably still people out there who are not comfortable with a first-name basis so I am now mostly going to graciously offer to people who ask the opportunity to call me whatever makes them comfortable and if that turns out to be Mother Susan, well in the immortal words of my brother-in-law Joe – it is what it is.

(There are other articles on this issue and others relating to the ordination of women on my website on Reflections, then click on National Church Issues and Women’s Issues).

God Stuff

I’m bushed!! Started the day arranging flowers for hospice to deliver to patients. Then spent an hour walking WalMart getting so many different kinds of things, I ended up making 2 trips around the store. Went home for a few hours then off to a hospice visit with a man whose ex-wife and her sister have been there with him for over a month! They are my new heroes – I’ve sat in many a hospital room for hours – but days…and weeks?…WOW!!

Then I went for my weekly visit to the restaurant with the best pizza in town – ate my 2 pieces and played Mahjong on my phone and took off for home. Went through a rain storm on the way so found myself praying all the way home – “please stop this before I reach my apartment…please…please! Sure enough, by the time I had reached home, the rain had stopped! YAY! As if all that wasn’t enough I somehow got the energy to clean out my refrigerator and freezer, half filling a garbage bag with old, old, old foodstuffs.

So now I’m in my recliner with my feet up and, having read my emails, am reflecting on my visit with a dying man. I talked some with the 2 sisters and realized that they were pretty savvy about the dying process having talked with the Hospice folks and witnessed their friend in the throes of death. They are peaceful and seem ready to say their final goodbyes to this man with whom they grew up and have known for more than 50 years. They described how he had rallied yesterday and then gotten worse again this morning and one of them asked me, “Is it true that we all do this at our own rate, in our own way,” She was spot on!

I don’t know what it’s like to lay in bed waiting for death to come but I have sat with many dying people, held the hands of the dying while death claims them, and listened to many who have faced that moment and are right at the brink so I know she’s right. No matter what has brought us to the edge, no matter who we are, where we’ve been in life, what we’re feeling at the time, dying is the one absolutely unique thing that we all do – in our own way – in our own time.

Of course, occasionally, something can get in the way of that unique road to heaven. My Dad had a massive stroke and the doctor said it was only a matter of time so we were all gathered around his bed, Scott (my paramedic son) holding one arm and me on the other side, both of us constantly monitoring his pulse. My family was carrying on with its usual method of dealing with grief – humor. We were telling stories and laughing like there was not a dying person in the room but every so often, we’d lapse into silence, laced with quiet sobs and sniffling. Then, it happened. Scott said, “Mom, he’s gone,” and I knew that my Dad had had enough – he never could take but so much of our hilarity. We brought Mother over and told her and she immediately dropped to her knees and beat on his arm, yelling at him, “You said I could go first!” It was surreal but not as surreal as the next moment when Scott said, “Mom, he’s back.” I felt his arm and sure enough, he had a pulse. I’m convinced that he was ready to go quietly and had done it when Mom’s outburst brought him back to reality, just as she had so many times when he tried to retreat into himself and be quiet. He was going out his own way until his dear wife interrupted .

As I write that, I am aware that many people will disagree with me but, I am convinced that dying is a highly intimate enterprise and we indeed each do it our own way as long as we are left to it. I know some people believe that God “takes” us when he thinks it’s time but I have come to believe that God does not “take” us. God stays with us as we prepare to die and face that final moment, waiting patiently until we are done. Now I know that there are many situations when people actually pray that God will “take” their loved one because of the pain they are suffering and many believe that when this person finally does die that God has taken him or her out of that misery. Well, maybe but I still like to believe that God is with us, never leaving us, and never forcing himself on us throughout our whole life. So, why, at the most powerful moment of that life would God intervene in it and force his will on us. Having said that, I have to leave you with my best wisdom about all this – something I have shared with all the people I have ministered to over the years – This Is God’s Stuff. We are not meant to know the answers to these big questions; if we did, then we’d be God and we all know what happened when a human dared to enter that sacred space.

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Oh! The Horror of it All!

What a day!!! Started with a no-show for an appointment I had set and re-set 3 times – then she didn’t show! Gr-r-r-r. Then spent 1/2 hour trying to get my SS benefit letter because I lost mine before I realized I was in the Medicare website going through password hell. Finally got to SS and my bank and for some reason the printer was printing in landscape mode so had to do it all over again. Arg-g-g-gh! Now I’m getting ready for my first Pinochle game here in the house – anxious to see how many people show up! I love playing Pinochle and I’m a good teacher so it should be fun. So that’s my day so far.

In the midst of all that, I’m so sad and distressed over the poor souls whose lives got snuffed out over the weekend. I just can’t believe this violence continues! I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s and no one would have ever done such despicable things to innocent people in such public places for no apparent reason. I know there were wars and civil unrest and violence but this seemingly random destruction of human lives has me totally bumfuddled. I’m afraid I’m becoming convinced that it is a societal ill that we (government, medical community, parents, teachers, other child caregivers) have sat by and allowed to manifest itself and continue to grow and destroy vital parts of our society. Somehow, this vicious evil permeated our society while we thought it was just teenagers trying to grow up, addicts who just couldn’t stop but who we thought weren’t dangerous, children trying to stop the pain of an agonizing, abusive childhood, and other seemingly “normal” people who thought were not dangers while all the while growing into monsters. I believe something has caused these poor souls to click on self-destruct-and-take-others-with-you mode. Maybe it is the result of a combination of distressing events over the years that has caused psychotic breaks in their fragile minds so again maybe we’ll never know what it was. That’s mind-bending to me – that we can never know the root of this evil. Without that knowledge, it is so hard to fight it.

But fight it we must – with prayer – every day, every time we hear of children being abused and TheHandsleft to their own mental agony, every time another one snaps and takes out innocent ones – prayer that surrounds our society and all of us who are capable to respond with such outrage and sorrow that the prayer circle over us will be never-ending and loud enough to be heard around the world and in heaven. Of course we know that God hears even our silent prayers but letting it be heard helps us to feel closer to God and like we can be part of the solution instead of silent on-lookers. We can also fight by being observant – as parents, teachers, neighbors, and others who witness aberrant behavior – and gently intervening hopefully to alert the right people to take action. It is such a ticklish situation to try and help someone who can’t see the problem and resents any interference in their lives but what else can we do – stand by and watch as more and more unbalanced people wreak havoc on our society?

I guess I don’t have the answer but I do believe that God is with us and abhorring every minute of the grief and horror that we are living through in this life. As a Pastor, I can only assure those around me of God’s love, his sacrificial act of salvation for our sins, and the hope that God will soon break through into this world so that no one will ever doubt that they are loved and saved. Amen.

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Oh! The Joy of Friends

(If you’re coming from my Facebook page, scroll down to the 5th paragraph, “Of course,…)

It’s Saturday night and almost time for bed – church in the morning! I’ve spent the better part of the last 2 days fighting with WordPress and my website. Every time I think I have it right, something else messes up and off I go in search of the ever elusive WordPress help. But as tonight winds down, I think it’s all working just fine so let me wax eloquent on one of my favorite topics – friends.

I have been working on Facebook for awhile now and not long ago, I happened to find a way to open my Friends list and I was astonished to find so MANY people from my past and present, from the church, from church summer camp, and many other places. I thought about it a lot and I think what happens is that we tend to focus on the friends we have now – currently – and those we treasured in the past tend to slip through our fingers, rather our minds.

I used to say I didn’t like Facebook much because of all the inanity I saw on it but as I’ve used it more and more to keep up with my child and my grandchildren, not to mention my extended family so far away, I’ve discovered a grudging and growing fondness for Facebook. The day I found all those “Friends” and realized that they are indeed real friends and not just the ones you accumulate from replying to the posts of total strangers, was the day I decided that Facebook is OK in my book. Oh it still has its problems and annoyances but mainly it fills my needs to keep up with people, who are the highlight of my life.

That’s right – I’m a people person. I’ve always known this because I’ve spent my life in many relationships and friendships and I know that when I’m cut off from the people in life, I dry up and become withdrawn and unhappy. This became so clear when I returned to the ranks of the “people in the pew” and got to sit around at coffee hour with absolutely no responsibilities and could just talk to anyone I wanted to. I didn’t have to worry about who needed me or who was watching to see who I was talking to or any of those undesirable things that clergy have to keep in the forefront of their minds. I could just talk and talk and talk. 

Of course, I have always been good at that and that has never been more clear than it has been these last 4 weeks. I find myself talking to everybody around me about just about anything, always starting off by finding who it is I’m talking to – you know, what do you do? How many kids do you have? Where did you go to school? and etc. and etc. And what I have discovered anew is that I really love hearing other people’s stories. Now, don’t get me wrong I love telling my own story, but I always try to remember that if I love having someone listen to my story, then other people also love having me listen to their stories.

So these past weeks have found me almost overwhelmed with people’s names, spouse’s names, children’s names, vocations, schools, etc., etc. I have found every week that I have to ask someone what their name is again and sometimes I realize that I’ve already asked them what they do when they start telling me and it’s familiar. That can get a little embarrassing sometimes but one of the wonderful things about getting old is that just about everybody expects you to have a terrible memory!

But, back to the really old friends – not in age but in longevity. Going through my “Friends” list in Facebook has led me down so many memory lanes, I can hardly keep the remembrances straight. I have been getting in touch with all of these folks lately and finding myself saying so many times, “Do you remember the time when,,,?” And they always come back with similar questions for me. That has been fun but the most satisfying thing about all this is the warm glow I get when I remember each person, the fun we had, the relationship we shared, and the love we have for each other. I realize that I have been truly blessed over my lifetime and continue to be blessed as I have resurrected so many old friends while enjoying all the new ones. Isn’t life just grand sometimes?

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I’m SO Happy!!

I am so happy!! I just returned from church and I have to say it’s the friendliest church I have ever been in. I’ve been going there for 4 weeks now and a week doesn’t go by that I am not greeted warmly by at least 3 people I don’t know. 
Every week I have had stimulating and very interesting conversations with the nicest people, some I knew back in the day when I used to go to clergy meetings there.

For several months after I broke my ankle (in September,) I was in a rehab hospital and when I returned home, I was still using a walker and had a big, clumsy boot so I mostly stayed home unless somebody would take me out – to the grocery store, etc. I guess I got a little bit into the “nothing to do on Sunday mornings” after 33 years of having something important to do on Sunday mornings. I would tell myself on Saturday nights, “I really should go to church,” or “I really need to go to church,” but didn’t set the alarm and just didn’t get up and go. I’m not really sure why but I guess I needed a serious break.

Anyway, one Saturday night, I was going to bed and I said to myself, “I think I’ll go to church tomorrow.” Notice the major difference in the words I used – now it was “I’ll go” with no “should’s” or “need to’s). Always prepared, I searched for the church’s website to find out what time the service was, set my alarm and went to sleep. The next morning I showed up at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church, found a seat near the back where I could see everything that was going on but I saw 2 friends from my apartment house closer to the front so I went around the back to come up on their pew from the other end so they didn’t have to get up. I rounded the back pews and started down the aisle in front of the baptismal font. Little did I know that there was a nice platform around the font which I promptly hit with my foot and fell down!! Luckily there were 2 people there who asked how I was and when I said fine, helped me up and I continued to the pew like nothing had happened. They may have been the only people who saw me because nobody ever mentioned it.

When I got to my pew and looked at the bulletin, I was a little put out to discover that it was a baptismal and first communion Sunday and I thought, “Oh no, I don’t know these people and it will be so long,” but I quickly settled in and began to get into the worship. The Rector preached a fantastic sermon, which he does every week, about welcome – welcoming the one being baptized and all the children making their first communion. But I’m convinced he was really preaching to me because I felt his welcome in the depths of my soul, which desperately needed to be welcome somewhere.

It was when he started the Renewal of Baptismal Vows that I knew that it was God who brought me to that Church that Sunday. Suddenly I was completely washed with a sense of renewal, not only of my soul which had been somewhat empty of late, but also of my whole self. That renewal filled me up and I knew I was home. I had been away from the Episcopal Church and its worship for 12 years and that day, I knew I was home and I felt it down to the tips of my toes.

Since then, I have made many new friends, talked to the Rector about how I could fit into parish life as a priest, had lunch with 2 old friends, and agreed to do a speaking engagement for their Daughters of the King group in October. So, as you can probably tell, if you missed the first sentence – I am so happy. Not only did God bring me home to him and his church, but he also made me welcome. For that, I am so grateful and, oh yeah, happy!

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Have You Ever Wondered…

Have you ever wondered what happened to the “Good Ole Days”? I think about them often, especially when I hear about another mass shooting, or a terrorist attack, or a drug raid gone sour killing so many young people, or the sad statistics telling us how many kids have OD’ed on opioids this week, or other sad statistics on how many faithful have left the churches, leaving them almost empty (but the ones that aren’t empty are so focused on survival that they hardly ever think of how to attract new members and if they do seem to be doing it wrong)?

I often call it “shooting ourselves in the foot.” Pardon the pun, but that’s what society does when there is no longer any teaching kids how to respect authority and each other, when it is no longer OK to discipline your kids, to show them what a real family is like, and to ask for help when a child gets out of line or out of sorts. We shoot ourselves and, unfortunately many innocent children, teachers, shoppers, and more, in the proverbial foot. Unfortunately, where they get shot results in much worse injuries and even death.

When so many young people and others whose only mistake was to be in such bad pain, they felt they had no other way to deal with it, find themselves addicted to what used to be a very effective pain killer, especially for post orthopedic surgical pain, we shoot ourselves in the foot. A friend of mine has excruciating pain in her back and her doctor prescribes Hydrocodone. She went to the pharmacy the other day to get her monthly refill and was told that the pharmacy had received a letter saying that they could no longer dispense this medication.  Shot in the foot again!

When a middle schooler acts out and the parents come to pick him or her up for fighting in school maybe, they often blame the teacher, the other kids, or anybody but themselves because their child cannot control the anger that is taking control and making them lose control. When a teenager is morose, dejected, rude, and spends so much time alone, friends and even parents tend to chalk it up to “being a teenager.” Even when this prompts parents to do something, the help needed is either too late or not utilized because psychiatric help is “for crazy people,” not for my son or daughter, or even when used, there seems to be no follow up so that the help they’ve gotten really can help. Shot in the foot again!

We come now to the church and how we have been shooting it in the foot for years. Go back to the medieval times when great theologians were burned at the stake for preaching the Gospel. Go back to colonial times when so many people were persecuted in their own countries that they sought refuge in America where, lo and behold, there were people like the Puritans who sought and killed so many faithful people who didn’t follow their rules as well as those they deemed to be witches.

Now fast forward to the 20th century when women began to hear the call to ministry other than reading the lessons in church, serving on the Altar Guild or the Vestry. Up to then the church had been happily supporting and loving its all-male priesthood, and in some places its all-male Vestry and Layreaders. It had been this way for eons and in many places there were priests, Bishops, and laypeople who were determined it would stay that way. Bishops were elected on their belief that women should not ever be allowed to serve in any leadership position. Commissions on Ministry were filled with those who agreed with said Bishops, thus effectively closing the doors on any female who tried to get the proverbial foot in the door. Shot again!

In 1976, some said the doors were finally swung open when 11 women were ordained in Philadelphia but no one really knew how strong the opposition was. Chaos reigned as some bishops said it was okay to ordain women while their Commissions on Ministry flatly refused. Some Bishops went against the Commission and promised to ordain women anyway. But none could make it through the ordination process with such adamant opposition. In some Dioceses, the Bishops and the Commissions on Ministry agreed that it was time to admit women to the process, seminary, and parish ministry. No matter what the situation was between Bishops and their Commissions on Ministry, the laypeople were left to figure out for themselves what was right. There were some who were ecstatic that the priesthood had at last been opened to women and there were some who thought it was probably OK but they were mostly in Dioceses where the Bishop ordained women. Then there were the ones who adamantly opposed the whole idea and most of them left the church they had loved for many years and the Anglican Church of America was born as a refuge for good Episcopalians who just couldn’t picture women in cassock and alb, blessing bread and wine, distributing the body and blood of Jesus, and blessing the people, not to mention baptizing them. There were some of the “unbelievers” in women’s ordination who refused to be “run out of their church” and who stayed on, bravely showing up in church and, when there was a woman officiating, bravely stuck it out. Many of those people were transformed by experiencing the same wonder and grace at the Eucharist where a woman celebrated or hearing the same Word of God preached from the same pulpit and not experiencing any falling ceiling timbers. Many, including Bishops and other clergy who were similarly transformed, became staunch supporters of women who had felt called to the priesthood and had let nothing stand in their way of answering God’s call to ministry.

So, the question is, who got shot in the foot in the church? Who paid the price for the chaos of the last 40 years in the church? Know who? Everybody! I don’t think there was anyone in the church of those days who came out of it unscathed. Those who left for other places were hurt the worst as far as I am concerned because they lost out on a grand and glorious church that had nurtured them, their families, and millions of others for more than 600 years. Those who finally came around were hurt by the time they spent in a church they felt was abandoning them and all the church had stood for for the same 600 years. Those who were all in favor of women being ordained were hurt by those who didn’t and by Bishops and Commissions on Ministry who made women wait for so long before their transformations opened the doors.

I guess the bottom line is this. Humanity has been shooting itself in the foot since the Garden of Eden and it doesn’t look like there is any end to the shooting. We have continued to find more and more creative ways to sin in the eyes of the Lord, as well as in the eyes of much of the human race.

When you think of it that way, don’t we seemed to be doomed to keep on shooting at ourselves and not missing? Doesn’t it seem like there’s no way out of this sick target practice on ourselves? But wait! There is a way out and His name is Jesus. He’s the one God sent to earth to live as one of us and to die for us so that all that human sinning could be forgiven. That’s the best news I could impart to you after this long sorrowful human story. We are loved and saved from ourselves even though the foot-shooting seems to know no end. God loves us all even though we just can’t seem to holster our firearms and let our God-created world be a God-blessed world where there is no foot shooting or any other shooting for that matter. Oh what a dream that is to all of us who are fed up with having our collective feet shot full of holes.

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KEEP IT SIMPLE…STUPID!

I think this may be one of the best nuggets of advice ever! And I just experienced a week that proves it. About 2 weeks ago, I decided, upon “expert” advice to change the theme of my website. So I diligently searched and searched through all the thousands (literally!) of available themes to be used with WordPress until I finally decided on one. It was really my second choice because the one I chose first wouldn’t load which goes to prove the 2nd best nugget called “Murphy’s Law – “Whatever can happen, will.” So here I was with my second choice and not a lot of knowledge about changing a theme in a WordPress website, but I took a deep breath, uploaded it and clicked “Change Theme.” 

Well, when I checked the site you can imagine my shock and surprise to see the new theme cradling my beloved site. Well, that feeling was to be short-lived, as it turns out. The more I looked it over, the more things wrong I found, the most important being that some of the page titles, when I clicked on them, brought up completely different content than was supposed to be there. Well, you can imagine how happy I was. I got proceedingly unhappier as everything I tried was to no avail. I searched Google for hours looking for a solution to no avail.

Now, you think that was bad! In the middle of all that, I received an email from my hosting company telling me that a number of my files were “heavy” and needed to be deleted. Evidently, my website files were dangerously close to being too many for the limit. Well, who knew there was a limit. Anyway, I obediently began deleting the files they had on the list but several of them seemed to me to be pretty important, especially one that was at the top of the menu tree which meant it was the root file. Several others looked important so I questioned them. To make a long story blessedly short, by the time they sent a second list with some of the same files on it, I was completely confused and managed to delete the one file that contained ALL of the files for my site. I finished the task and sent a detailed email back expressing my concerns over some of the files I had deleted and some I refused to delete.

So…wait for it…I checked my site and lo and behold, it was offline – not to be found anywhere. Almost immediately, I began to receive thousands (8,000 to be exact) Delivery Failure Messages in my inbox. Somehow these emails were being generated as if they were coming from me! Another long story cut short, after many, many hours on chat with my hosting company, my internet provider, and Apple Care, the situation was finally resolved. I was deleting bogus emails for hours!

The long (it has been hasn’t it?) and short (there was nothing short about it!) of it is this: I went back to my original theme, which works just fine, thank you very much, and have spent the last few days fine-tuning it until I think it works well now. So, there you have my sob story! Is there a lesson in this for me? You betcha! Not every expert always knows what they are doing. By the way, do you know the definition of an expert? It is this: “x-spurt” = a drop of water under pressure. The moral of the story is “Don’t believe everything an expert tells you!” So if I sound like an expert in taking advice, you bet I am!

Please check out the rest of this site and see if you don’t agree that it is just fine, thank you very much!

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NEVER A DULL MOMENT

You guessed it – another update. I have spoken with my publisher and I now have a plan for the rebirthing of “Lady Father.” It will take some time so the book will not be available on Amazon.com right way. However, if you are interested in purchasing a copy, let me know. If there is enough interest, I can make it available or have some here and can send you one. I’m a little hesitant about buying some without knowing the interest level. So if you have a social media page, I would appreciate it if you would share my book and invite those interested in purchasing a copy of the book to message me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/ladyfather) or contact me here on this site by clicking on CONTACT at the top of any page and using the Comment form to let me know. As always, I so appreciate your visiting my website and I wish you Godspeed on your journey.
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NEWEST UPDATE!!

Now that I am totally retired I am returning to my website and this Facebook page in an effort to re-connect with so many friends and relatives. I was amazed when I went through my Friends list and found people whom I hadn’t talked to in years – kids from my former youth group in Colonial Heights and in the Diocesan youth program, students and faculty from Sewanee, priests from both the Diocese of Southern Va and Albany, former parishioners, and current friends as well as my wonderful family from the matriarch all the way down to our high school and college “grands.” Some have already “liked” my new and improved Facebook page as well as my website (www.ladyfather.com) and I am warmed by that. In fact, one former SoVa Diocesan youth board member has already responded to my invitation to my new page! Wow! Thanks Philip Bond.
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IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK!

I started all of this after publishing my book, “Lady Father,” in 2011 but I wasn’t very good at the marketing part of book writing so both the website and this page didn’t go very far. I posted a lot of sermons from my days as an Episcopalian serving in a tiny Methodist church in the wilds of upstate New York and I have been meticulously going through them with an editing eye finding all kinds of typos I missed. So I am cleaning them all up and in reading them I am amazed at how good a preacher Sewanee had made me. (Yes, that’s a little bragging rights – I know I’m a good preacher and I know why. I had the best homiletics professor there was.)

I have also enjoyed reliving the days when I preached to the most attentive and faithful churchpeople who loved me as I loved them. I love going back and reading these because I use a lot of personal anecdotes and stories, many of which I have forgotten over the years. What a Blast From the Past! I hope you’ll slip over to the website and click on any of the titles in the right side bar or click on Lady Father – an Update and choose from the drop-down menu. There are other drop-downs with no entries – that’s because I lost the energy to keep it up. I have some new sermons to post and plan to write some more articles and reflections in the near future. Hope you’ll keep in touch and check some of them out. You can also click on Contact at the top and leave comments. Oh I do love to write and it’s good to be back in the saddle again.

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NEWER UPDATE!!

I FOUND IT!! “Lady Father” was indeed on my old computer, an HP laptop with Windows 7. Needless to say, having had my Mac for 8 years, I couldn’t remember how to do anything. I was jumping up and going to my Mac to Google “how-tos” and then back to the HP to try it. Even with a brand new battery, It kept turning off and I give you my word, I had no idea that it was ever THIS SLOW!! And I was having to use the touch pad because my mouse wouldn’t work even after I changed the battery. So threw it away and went and bought a new one. I finally got the gist of it all and saved my precious manuscript as a PDF file. Then I loaded it onto a USB stick, went to the Mac, the file was not there!! Tried several times then gave up and emailed it to myself. Of course, I had some glitches there but finally it is safe and secure on my Mac. Did the same with the other files, Bio, Acknowledgements, Dedication, etc. Now I am waiting for a call from the publisher to “discuss my long term and short term goals,” whatever that means. I just want to know if they can sell my book again.

 

So stay tuned!! I am slowly but surely getting there. In the meantime, I am continuing to enjoy my retirement, going where I want when I want and going nowhere when I want. I did my first Hospice visit, a vigil at a nursing home where the woman was actively dying. We got there and settled down to wait, comforting and talking to her and in less than a half hour, she passed away. Very peaceful and serene. Unfortunately, her family was still on the way from VA and GA so we didn’t get to meet them. Met later with the Coordinator and other Hospice volunteers and all were amazed that on the very first outing, I was actually present when the patient dies. Most said they had rarely had that experience so they were calling me “Typhoon Mary,” and other similar names and congratulating me on passing the hardest test on the first visit. It was a little surreal as she was in the same condition as Daddy was and her death was almost identical. I felt a twinge of a bittersweet memory as I remembered that day in South Hill when Daddy left this world.

On that note, I will leave you with this: “When someone you love dies, you never quite get over it…you just slowly learn to go on without them but always keeping them tucked safely in your heart.”

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NEW UPDATE!!

I think I know where my manuscript of “Lady Father” is!! I published it in 2011 and I didn’t get my Mac until 2014 so I have been looking in the wrong places. It must be on my old laptop which is sitting on my desk right now! I was so excited when this dawned on me that I raced over and turned it on or tried to. It was very slow booting up and I had lost most of my knowledge of how to open files so I was struggling with that when a little message popped up saying that the battery was dangerously low. Less than a minute later, it died! So I had to order a new battery because none of the stores around here carry it anymore. It arrives today, Wednesday July 3rd and I will immediately install it and I just know I’ll find my precious book. Stay tuned to this to this page and to my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/ladyfather) where I will report my success!!

 

BTW, I have been updating that website and I found a treasure trove of sermons and articles that I am enjoying reading. I am editing them as I read (I do tend to make typos and miss them on review). I had forgotten how good they were! LOL Yes I am touting my writing ability but at my age, I can do that without too many people thinking I’m conceited. I hope they just realize that I’m getting old and like most senior citizens, I just say what I think because I’m running out of time to do that. Check them out!

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“LADY FATHER” is back! 

My book was published in 2011 and sold some copies but it has occurred to me that there are many of you out there who would enjoy reading my memoir. It traces my journey from my call to priesthood through the ordination process from initial application through ordination until my last 3 ministries. It is honest, straightforward, and uplifting as it documents my barriers and struggles in the process and seminary as well as in some of the parishes I served and the monumental breakthroughs from Bishops to people in the pew who were once adamantly opposed to women’s ordination. It is a must read for the ordained, those entering and struggling through the process, as well as for women and men who are interested in how one woman got through it all.
I am in the process of updating my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/ladyfather) as well as this website. I am also in the process of returning the book to Amazon.com and Books-a-Million.com as soon as I can get a copy of manuscript which was lost when my computer died some months ago. So keep watching either this site or Facebook to find out when the book will be available for purchase. I will also probably make it into an eBook for Kindle. I have gotten such good feedback from readers that I believe it is really a good read for anybody interested in the struggle to allow women in the Episcopal priesthood. Here’s a review from Jean Crew on October 22, 2014: “Susan’s voice is authentic and has the Southern charm of tea on the porch in the evening. Her story is poignant and a true testimony to life’s great design.”
I came along in the late 1970’s finding a call to the priesthood following several years in youth work both in my parish, St. Michael’s in Colonial Heights, Va., and on the diocesan level where I was on the youth board and on the founding team for Happening. When I finally managed to get up the nerve to approach my Bishop, the Rt. Rev. C. Charles Vache’, who was adamantly opposed to women being priests, he shocked me by saying he would send me to seminary for a year and see how it went and I became the first woman he ever allowed to attend seminary. The ripples of shock that coursed through the Diocese of Southern Virginia were probably heard around the whole Episcopal Church! There were feelings of great joy from many people but angry and unbelieving feelings of betrayal and outrage from the Standing Committee down to the people in the pews. I was suddenly in the middle of a fire storm but something in me kept me singularly focused on one things – becoming a priest. In later years, I begged people not to call me a “woman priest” since we didn’t call a man a “man priest.” I also decried the title “Mother” because I felt and still do feel like it places a gender issue on the priesthood. I preferred to find other options like Pastor. I even allowed people to call me “Rev” and I even answered to “Father” from those who just couldn’t call me Susan and couldn’t address a priest any other way. As you can see, the whole idea of a woman being a priest was fraught with issues least of which was the Biblical one. My Bishop told me before he signed my papers to admit me to the School of Theology at Sewanee that he wasn’t hung up on the Biblical language, he just couldn’t imagine laying his hands on a woman’s head and saying the words, “And make her a priest.” It was less than 3 years before he changed his mind and ordained Iris Slocum, who graduated from Sewanee a year ahead of me, as a priest for the first time in his and diocesan history. He ordained me a deacon in February 1985, the first woman he ordained to the transitional diaconate, and I don’t believe I had ever seen him beam any brighter than when he invited me to kneel in front of him on the steps. I felt the full weight of his hands pushing so hard I had to strain to stay upright. He had once told me that he pushed very hard because he wanted those he ordained to know that this was no easy thing they were doing. Wow – was he right! I’ve tried to remember which was harder – seminary, the ordination process, or the subsequent ministries – and I couldn’t tell you. There was so much joy and excitement during all of that but there was also pain from rejection and discrimination, struggling with old traditions and those who just couldn’t let them go, and problems stemming from my own abilities and shortcomings.
So it’s been quite a ride and I must say I’m happy to have come to the end of active parish ministry. At 72 with 2 painful and slightly dysfunctional knees, I am more than ready to not be trying to move around a sanctuary and all its steps. I am also ready to be fed after 35 years of feeding and 12 years of absence from the Episcopal Church. I am so loving the pomp and ceremony of my beloved  Episcopal worship and have re-discovered some friendships that have long been missed.
So between Lady Father and hospice volunteering, I will be kept busy and hope to re-connect with many of you along the way. 
Blessings
Susan
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Budding Authors

This group is for people who like to write, who make a living writing, write just for fun, have published a book or books, want desperately to publish a book, or have published one and need to figure out how to sell it.

That last one would be me. I wrote my memoir in 2011 and it has been languishing in the publisher’s waiting for people to buy it. Unfortunately, I am not the sharpest marketing knife in the drawer so I am starting this group looking for like authors who would like to help each other out with tips, etc. and with sharing lists or posting others’ books on their own page or website. For instance, I have a website where I would start a column for Budding Authors and list your book and where to buy it.

If you are interested, please reply. As far as group guidelines are concerned, all the normal non-abusive, verbally haranguing, rude comments, etc. etc. are banned and will result in removal from the group. We are all responsible adults and everyone is expected to act as such. If not, your posts will be removed. Sign up in the side bar.

Hope to hear from all you Budding Authors soon.

Rev. Susan Bowman

July 6, 2019

Glenmont, NY

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Susan Bowman, is an ordained Episcopal Priest, a Grandmother, and a Professional Writer.  She was ordained as an Episcopal priest in 1986 and has a story to tell that will speak to all women who are functioning in a traditionally male role.  She has written a book about her experiences of discrimination within the church’s ordination process and in the parishes she served.  Sign up for her “Announcement List” to keep track of Lady Father’s progress and to be notified when the book is re-published.  Fill out the form below to enter contact information securely.

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